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  • Writer's pictureeomega321

App Life

Every couple of weeks I’ll stare at my phone, go to the apps store and re-download all the dating apps. After refreshing my profile and updating my photos, I’d proceed to swipe left and right on all available bachelors. On a good run, I’d find some promising prospects and keep the apps around for a little bit, maybe a month tops. On a bad night, after a few interactions, I’d find myself rolling my eyes deep in the back of my head and giving a long sigh of exasperation at all the horrible photos, bad pick-up lines, and lackluster conversations. I’d immediately delete the app, toss my phone in frustration, and vow to never go back to apps again only to re-download them a couple of weeks later and start the process all over again.

For anyone looking for love the old-fashioned way, secure the bae while you’re still in school because it is rough out here in these streets! Especially living in New York City where the cardinal rule is not to make direct eye contact with anybody; keep your head down and keep it moving. I find when going out, people are all about being in their own cliques’ and not meeting new people. So naturally the go-to are dating apps. I’ve been on Tinder, Bumble, Soul Swipe, and now Plenty of Fish. Some apps are better than others and each have their pros and cons but the experience on all of them have been pretty consistent and equally frustrating. These are the three most frustrating aspects of online dating.

1. First of all, guys, let’s talk about these photos! Each time I re-download these apps, I at least put the time and effort in to posting high quality photos. I post close up shots of my face and full body shots (no catfishing over here). I also post pictures of me doing things that show my interests and that say,“hey I’m a cool interesting girl with a personality. You should definitely swipe right!” But these dudes….let me tell you! There’s the obvious Samsung user who looks like they slapped Vaseline over their camera lens before they took a pic. I guess that’s not their fault, but ya’ll should really consider an upgrade. Then there’s the half-naked bathroom selfies; your abs look good and all but you just thirst trapping bruh. Then there are the dudes who only have group shots so you can’t tell who the actual person is. The guys who post photos with girls; are you single or nah? And my personal favorite, the guys who post with Henny bottles or blowing weed smoke at the camera. By your picture alone, I can tell that you’re either unemployed, a DJ, or party planner and that’s a hard pass on all three.

2. Not only do some guys have horrible profile pictures,they also have horrible pick-up lines! Most guys would start off a conversation with,“hey gorgeous or hey beautiful,” which immediately elicits the eye roll from me. Is it just me or when a guy messages you,“hey beautiful,” without any other introduction it reminds me of the men standing outside of the bodega yelling out, “Ayo Ma!” It got to a point that I had to put a disclaimer in my profile, “If you message me with ‘hey baby, hey beautiful, or hey gorgeous,’ it’s the quickest way to get ignored.” My name is in my profile, hell I use my name as my username. Yes calling me beautiful is a compliment, but you know what an even better compliment is? Reading my profile and addressing me by my actual name.

I had a dude send me this as a pick-up line, “Baby You’re Picture Perfect But Us Together Makes A Perfect Picture.” Insert eye roll emoji here. I had a guy send me an eggplant emoji...just an eggplant emoji and nothing else. Thank God it wasn’t the actual eggplant. Guys, we need to leave toxic masculinity in 2018 and yes that includes how you approach women; let’s do better.

3. For those who manage to catch me with a decent pick-up line, the conversation is the last hurdle where many try but ultimately fail. Either in the app or even if you manage to get out of the app and exchange numbers, a bunch of “Wyd” and “how was your day” texts does not a conversation make. Sometimes I feel like I’m giving my best material; I mean Beychella type of material for conversation and all I get in return is a lazy slow clap or a yawn at best. I don’t know if I can put this all on the guys; maybe the chemistry isn’t there, maybe what I have to say isn’t of interest to them, maybe it’s just not a match. However if that’s the case don’t feel obligated to continuously send good morning texts and nothing else.

It hasn’t been all that bad; I’ve made some connections and gone on a couple of dates that just hasn’t panned out. At the start of the new year a couple of girlfriends and I got together to make vision boards, cliché I know, but 2018 had been so good to me, I wanted to ensure that 2019 would be just as good if not better. On my board I had a section for professional growth, particularly in writing (shout outs to everyone who supports my blog!). I had a section for traveling, upping my style game, fitness, growing my tribe, and of course the final section was for finding a bae. As exhausting and annoying as dating is, dating, like love, is a verb. At no point in finding a relationship or being in a relationship will you not be putting in work.

My girlfriend who hosted this party encouraged me to try Plenty of Fish again; she found her boyfriend on Plenty of Fish. I’ve been on it for a couple of months and it hasn’t been terrible. In fact, as I write this, I actually messaged this guy and we’ve been carrying on a decent conversation. He’s cute, his pictures are decent, and since I made the first move he didn’t have a chance to use a cringe worthy pick-up line. So who knows, maybe in the future I’ll write a post about how dating apps work. Wish me luck!

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